I admit it...

I proudly (read: shamefully) admit that this morning, while driving to work, I sang "What's love got to do with it" by Tina Turner, and it was exhilarating. After all, who needs a heart when a heart can be broken??

The person in the car next to me must have thought I was a serious nutcase as I did that little Tina Turner shrug your shoulders forward dancey thing while sitting at a traffic light. And while turning left. And while driving down a 45 MPH road. Stop looking and focus on the road, is what I have to say to them. Morning rush hour is dangerous enough without people like them poking their curious little noses into everyone else's car. So I was driving with my knees and car dancing - that's nobody's business but my own.

Sometimes, to freak people out, and for my own general amusement, while sitting at a traffic light, I will turn my head to fully face the car next to me, and bug my eyes out of my head like I'm a bit over the edge, a crazed lunatic, if you will. Boy, you should see the terror in their eyes when they look over and are startled to see a zombie-like driver staring at them. One driver even jumped into the back seat of her car. Ok, so that was an exaggeration. But she did hit her head on the roof of the car when she jumped out of her seat. Ok, so she actually just shuddered and stuck out her tongue. Whatever, she still was scared, and I still laughed like a hyena on crack.

Have to be careful who you do that to, though. I usually steer clear of those folks who look like they might shoot me or get out of their car & beat the snot out of me. Soccer moms are the worst - they'll actually throw diapers or cleats at your car. It's terrible to drive when a white-and-black speckled ball is coming at you - it's not like grade school dodgeball where you can duck out of the way (if you're the sporty kids...Unfortunately the waistline-challenged are not usually so lucky and end up with a ball in the face or right at their ankles, where they trip & fall to the ground. (Speaking of, did you know they can't play dodgeball in school anymore??? That's a whole other discussion altogether - freaking parents who think that all kids need to "win at everything" - face it, some kids are LOSERS! Get used to it! It'll help you cope with the rest of your loser life! Ugh - more on that later).

But anyway, that ball sure bounces like nobody's business as it ricochets off your windshield! And when it hits the car next to you - they think you did it, and you do the silent, but frantic, hand-gesture "I didn't do it!" motion and you point at the true ball-thrower as you try to mouth out the words "It was the soccer mom! It was the soccer mom! Not me!" So...once you finally scrape yourself off the ground after the guy who's Jaguar the ball ended up hitting beats the living tar out of you & subsequently keys your car, you are back on your merry way. (Why did you get out of the car in the first place? Good flipping question - everyone knows that if someone approaches your car you're just supposed to stare forward and pretend like there's no man banging on your window and screaming profanities at you. Then you peel out and run over their toes.) But, suspend your disbelief just for the humor of the story, and arrive at the time when I'm wishing some groovy 80s song comes on the radio, so that I can cheer myself up and sing my heart out. (Let's face it, even if the person hadn't beaten me up and I'd done the whole "I'm ignoring you" bit, I would have pooped my pants. Twice.) I hope for "Come on Eileen" or "Rock and Roll Hoochie-Coo" (was that even in the 80s?) Maybe even a bit of the artist formerly known as Prince now with his name back as Prince. Although I do have a warm place in my heart for a good bit of Madonna. Or MJ - when he actually could sing. But then again - who needs a face when a face can be broken?? Tina, keep on a-rockin me baby.