en fuego!

Somehow, my nephew set his room on fire. With his sock. I am not joking about this one - he found a way to use a sock and start a fire! He's 9 years old (I think - I'm not really good at remembering people's birthdays or years old...Too much for my little brain to hold on to. But I don't feel that bad. My thirty-something sister every year thinks I'm 19. She's thirty something. All I know is that her husband is older. Don't even know what month his birthday is in. Oh well). Back to the firestarter. He's a sweetie pie - so cute, but, well, he's a boy. He's no pyromaniac, and didn't set the fire intentionally - but, like I said, he is a nine-year-old boy. And boys at age 9 are interesting little creatures. I'm surprised Darwin's survival of the fittest concept hasn't weeded them all out by now.

I believe 9 year olds in general think they are fooling the world. They knock over a lamp, and "the dog did it!" Parent: The dog was outside, honey. 9 year old: "Oh." Parent: "Up to your room, dingleberry." Are you kidding me? Parents (ok, everyone) can see right through them. They spill OJ on the floor and don't clean it up..."The 2-year old did it!" Parent: "the little one was in her crib." 9-year old: "Oh man!" Parent: "up to your room, sillypants." (This next one actually happened). They accidentally stab themselves in the back of the neck with a mechanical pencil because they were rocking back and forth on their chair and slipped. Screaming, they run to the parent and say (I am not kidding): "A flying pencil rammed into my neck!" Parent: "A flying pencil??" Kid: "Yes!! It flew up and bit me!" And after they return from the hospital, the parent says: "up to your room, maggot."

So anyway, I don't even know why they try to speak, the tone of their voice and their eyes tell you they're fibbing. Well, this time, apparently he was collecting his laundry, or had flung his socks when he took them off after school, and it landed on a wall lamp. I did not know this, but when 9 year olds either remove their socks or touch them in general, they undergo arm spasms and socks fly out of their hands, left and right. Kind of like pencils. Learn something new every day. Since 9 year olds aren't the most rational people, nor do they pay attention to anything for more than about 4.37 seconds, he left the room without flipping the light switch. Many adults don't do remember to flip the switch (reduce reuse recycle, people!), however, adults and anyone 8 and under or over 10 years old do not have those terrible involuntary sock-throwing problems, and thus do not seem to ignite their bedrooms. But those 9-year old boys - look out. Strap a fire extinguisher to their backs - scientists are still researching what else they spontaneously fling around due to their 9-year old impairment; apparently there's a lot of things they have issues with (lizards, marbles, soccer cleats are among the many), some of which could land on fire hazards, possibly in the toaster, on the lawnmower, or on a candle that spontaneously ignites due to flying matches.

Anyway, I suppose the fire alarms hadn't been tested in awhile, so when the dog began to bark, and the smoke began to drift downstairs, she (sister-in-law) ran up to his room and saw the sock emitting a warm, campfire-like glow (thank goodness for the dog, else the entire room might have gone up. Extra doggie biscuit for her.) Naturally, my sister-in-law grabbed some marshmallows and started singing kumbayah (how do you actually spell that stupid song?!?) as well as a rousing folk-rendition of "Baby's got Back". So, yes, the fire was extinguished, and the little meathead has gone on to continue his 9-year old lifestyle...To battle attack pens and pencils...Break windows with soccer balls, and pretend to become a power ranger, all in the hopes of saving the universe. I hope that I never have to rely on a sock-throwing pencil-battler to save my universe, but if it had to be someone, I'm sure he'd be able to do it. At least until he turns 10.