A run-by tooting

Remember way back when we discussed the toot-and-run phenomena of people in public places around groups let a little pocket of air pass because they think it will be blamed on any of those around them? You know, everyone's pointing fingers at everyone else? "He who denies it, supplies it..." Well I think in one way or another that's true. People are pointing fingers because they, too, at some point in time have done the same and do not want to admit it..They feel guilty about actually having done it before, but don't want to show that they have in the past had one (or many) moments of gastric weakness. Maybe this time they didn't do it, but they empathize with the perpetrator.

Friends, the old adage, "he who first smelt it, dealt it" may be true, due to the following event that occurred last night. This time I wasn't trapped in a metro train, I was standing on the platform waiting for the train that was coming in about 3 minutes. About 6 feet to my left and 1 foot back was a woman, I'd say mid-forties, on her way home from work. I think she was going for the "I'm in a crowd no one will know" strategy; however, she wasn't in a crowd. There was someone the same distance away on her other side. All of the sudden, an aroma wafted towards me, and overcame me from behind...holy heavens, this one was a stinker. It rated an 8.5 on the stinker scale (10 being horrendous and triggering your gag reflex). It was a 10 on the SBD (silent but deadly) scale - minimal noise with maximum effect. Yeesh! Anyway, this woman KNEW she had done it, and that she was busted - her body language showed it: she began swinging her purse back and forth, attempting to spread out the molecules. She couldn't run; if she did it would have attracted more attention, and be guilty of a poot-and-run with witnesses who could identify her. For me and the guy on the other side of her, we were a foot or so in front of her, so we couldn't see her face well...I did a quick over-the-shoulder glance under the guise of looking down the tracks for the train to come (rather smoothly, I must admit), hence I saw the purse swinging effort - she definitely smelt the damage. Now, I reacted like anyone would...Strike that, no I didn't. I turned my head the other direction and began convulsively laughing under my breath. Usually I can keep a straight face and hold my breath, but this time was different. Maybe I was tired from a day at work, maybe I was excited because this was the first time in a few weeks something hysterical had happened...Who knows, really. I was trying to keep my cool, but couldn't help but laugh at this woman's release of a potent air biscuit. Thank goodness the train was arriving, else I would have really lost it...I scooted onto the train as fast as possible - mind you, not in her car.