Now I know why I do not own an iPod

I was driving home last night, and was struck by the proverbial lightning. I realized why I do not own an iPod. I have investigated getting one several times, it would be a great investment to carry all the songs around and plug it into my car when I'm driving, or listen to it while on the metro or waling down the street, thus ensuring that I don't have to look at or have awkward conversations with strangers. Seems like a good idea, right? Wrong. Not for me. Good for some, but I can't handle it. See the thing with me is, I have a terrible voice, but I don't care, I'll sing and dance like crazy and you'll suffer. Doesn't matter if there are other people staring at me from other cars, I like to think I'm giving them a chuckle or a reason to live or making them jealous that they can't be nearly as cool as me.

So, why did I finally realize the iPod issue last night? Well, I was pulled up next to a car at a traffic light...and "Sittin on the Dock of the Bay" by Otis Redding came on followed by that "Mustang Sally" song followed by "She's got a ticket to ride (and I don't care!!!)" by the Beatles (it was oldies night in my car). So I'm singing and dancing about in my car, and I stop to think - who sings and dances in their car besides me? I mean, lots of people sing, some at the top of their lungs, some just whispering, but very few people sing, dance, play the air guitar, tap on their steering wheel, and hum the instrumental parts of songs, all while cruising down 95 or some other high speed dangerous road. So, who does this? No one that I've found. Sometimes I've seen teenage girls do it just for the giggles, but I haven't seen many others. Several singers, but few multitaskers.

So, I begin to think about it, and I don't just do all this nonsense in the car. I'll sing along at home; if I hear someone's computer at work playing a song, I’ll quietly sing along. We throw lyrics into conversation just for fun. The problem lies in this: if I hear music, I begin the groove-funk-look like an idiot stuff. I can't help it. For the most part I can keep it semi-private (car or home), but for heaven's sake, can you just imagine if I was unleashed on the public?? I’d be that crazy person that you move away from on the metro, even if it means sitting on someone else’s lap. I’d be the one you cross the street for so that you aren’t so scared, and then you’d call the police to have me sent to a homeless shelter or the looney bin. Dogs will howl, children will run screaming as they are scarred for life. Thus, the revelation that iPod=bad idea. I’ll just have to stick to the ol’ radio, and endure those frequent odd moments on the street or the trains, quietly getting lost in my thoughts and listening to the voices in my head.