Now I know why I do not own an iPod

I was driving home last night, and was struck by the proverbial lightning. I realized why I do not own an iPod. I have investigated getting one several times, it would be a great investment to carry all the songs around and plug it into my car when I'm driving, or listen to it while on the metro or waling down the street, thus ensuring that I don't have to look at or have awkward conversations with strangers. Seems like a good idea, right? Wrong. Not for me. Good for some, but I can't handle it. See the thing with me is, I have a terrible voice, but I don't care, I'll sing and dance like crazy and you'll suffer. Doesn't matter if there are other people staring at me from other cars, I like to think I'm giving them a chuckle or a reason to live or making them jealous that they can't be nearly as cool as me.

So, why did I finally realize the iPod issue last night? Well, I was pulled up next to a car at a traffic light...and "Sittin on the Dock of the Bay" by Otis Redding came on followed by that "Mustang Sally" song followed by "She's got a ticket to ride (and I don't care!!!)" by the Beatles (it was oldies night in my car). So I'm singing and dancing about in my car, and I stop to think - who sings and dances in their car besides me? I mean, lots of people sing, some at the top of their lungs, some just whispering, but very few people sing, dance, play the air guitar, tap on their steering wheel, and hum the instrumental parts of songs, all while cruising down 95 or some other high speed dangerous road. So, who does this? No one that I've found. Sometimes I've seen teenage girls do it just for the giggles, but I haven't seen many others. Several singers, but few multitaskers.

So, I begin to think about it, and I don't just do all this nonsense in the car. I'll sing along at home; if I hear someone's computer at work playing a song, I’ll quietly sing along. We throw lyrics into conversation just for fun. The problem lies in this: if I hear music, I begin the groove-funk-look like an idiot stuff. I can't help it. For the most part I can keep it semi-private (car or home), but for heaven's sake, can you just imagine if I was unleashed on the public?? I’d be that crazy person that you move away from on the metro, even if it means sitting on someone else’s lap. I’d be the one you cross the street for so that you aren’t so scared, and then you’d call the police to have me sent to a homeless shelter or the looney bin. Dogs will howl, children will run screaming as they are scarred for life. Thus, the revelation that iPod=bad idea. I’ll just have to stick to the ol’ radio, and endure those frequent odd moments on the street or the trains, quietly getting lost in my thoughts and listening to the voices in my head.

I invite you to brighten your day

Hey - this is a lame entry, but I was having a bad day already (it's 745AM), and I had another listen to the MahnaMahna song, and boy did it ever cheer me up. I invite you to do the same...

http://www.devilducky.com/media/7452

A haiku for you:


Oh mahnamahna,
Brighten my day with a song
Laughing at pink dolls.


A mahnamahna
What is this thing they speak of?
My answer: who cares!

en fuego!

Somehow, my nephew set his room on fire. With his sock. I am not joking about this one - he found a way to use a sock and start a fire! He's 9 years old (I think - I'm not really good at remembering people's birthdays or years old...Too much for my little brain to hold on to. But I don't feel that bad. My thirty-something sister every year thinks I'm 19. She's thirty something. All I know is that her husband is older. Don't even know what month his birthday is in. Oh well). Back to the firestarter. He's a sweetie pie - so cute, but, well, he's a boy. He's no pyromaniac, and didn't set the fire intentionally - but, like I said, he is a nine-year-old boy. And boys at age 9 are interesting little creatures. I'm surprised Darwin's survival of the fittest concept hasn't weeded them all out by now.

I believe 9 year olds in general think they are fooling the world. They knock over a lamp, and "the dog did it!" Parent: The dog was outside, honey. 9 year old: "Oh." Parent: "Up to your room, dingleberry." Are you kidding me? Parents (ok, everyone) can see right through them. They spill OJ on the floor and don't clean it up..."The 2-year old did it!" Parent: "the little one was in her crib." 9-year old: "Oh man!" Parent: "up to your room, sillypants." (This next one actually happened). They accidentally stab themselves in the back of the neck with a mechanical pencil because they were rocking back and forth on their chair and slipped. Screaming, they run to the parent and say (I am not kidding): "A flying pencil rammed into my neck!" Parent: "A flying pencil??" Kid: "Yes!! It flew up and bit me!" And after they return from the hospital, the parent says: "up to your room, maggot."

So anyway, I don't even know why they try to speak, the tone of their voice and their eyes tell you they're fibbing. Well, this time, apparently he was collecting his laundry, or had flung his socks when he took them off after school, and it landed on a wall lamp. I did not know this, but when 9 year olds either remove their socks or touch them in general, they undergo arm spasms and socks fly out of their hands, left and right. Kind of like pencils. Learn something new every day. Since 9 year olds aren't the most rational people, nor do they pay attention to anything for more than about 4.37 seconds, he left the room without flipping the light switch. Many adults don't do remember to flip the switch (reduce reuse recycle, people!), however, adults and anyone 8 and under or over 10 years old do not have those terrible involuntary sock-throwing problems, and thus do not seem to ignite their bedrooms. But those 9-year old boys - look out. Strap a fire extinguisher to their backs - scientists are still researching what else they spontaneously fling around due to their 9-year old impairment; apparently there's a lot of things they have issues with (lizards, marbles, soccer cleats are among the many), some of which could land on fire hazards, possibly in the toaster, on the lawnmower, or on a candle that spontaneously ignites due to flying matches.

Anyway, I suppose the fire alarms hadn't been tested in awhile, so when the dog began to bark, and the smoke began to drift downstairs, she (sister-in-law) ran up to his room and saw the sock emitting a warm, campfire-like glow (thank goodness for the dog, else the entire room might have gone up. Extra doggie biscuit for her.) Naturally, my sister-in-law grabbed some marshmallows and started singing kumbayah (how do you actually spell that stupid song?!?) as well as a rousing folk-rendition of "Baby's got Back". So, yes, the fire was extinguished, and the little meathead has gone on to continue his 9-year old lifestyle...To battle attack pens and pencils...Break windows with soccer balls, and pretend to become a power ranger, all in the hopes of saving the universe. I hope that I never have to rely on a sock-throwing pencil-battler to save my universe, but if it had to be someone, I'm sure he'd be able to do it. At least until he turns 10.

A run-by tooting

Remember way back when we discussed the toot-and-run phenomena of people in public places around groups let a little pocket of air pass because they think it will be blamed on any of those around them? You know, everyone's pointing fingers at everyone else? "He who denies it, supplies it..." Well I think in one way or another that's true. People are pointing fingers because they, too, at some point in time have done the same and do not want to admit it..They feel guilty about actually having done it before, but don't want to show that they have in the past had one (or many) moments of gastric weakness. Maybe this time they didn't do it, but they empathize with the perpetrator.

Friends, the old adage, "he who first smelt it, dealt it" may be true, due to the following event that occurred last night. This time I wasn't trapped in a metro train, I was standing on the platform waiting for the train that was coming in about 3 minutes. About 6 feet to my left and 1 foot back was a woman, I'd say mid-forties, on her way home from work. I think she was going for the "I'm in a crowd no one will know" strategy; however, she wasn't in a crowd. There was someone the same distance away on her other side. All of the sudden, an aroma wafted towards me, and overcame me from behind...holy heavens, this one was a stinker. It rated an 8.5 on the stinker scale (10 being horrendous and triggering your gag reflex). It was a 10 on the SBD (silent but deadly) scale - minimal noise with maximum effect. Yeesh! Anyway, this woman KNEW she had done it, and that she was busted - her body language showed it: she began swinging her purse back and forth, attempting to spread out the molecules. She couldn't run; if she did it would have attracted more attention, and be guilty of a poot-and-run with witnesses who could identify her. For me and the guy on the other side of her, we were a foot or so in front of her, so we couldn't see her face well...I did a quick over-the-shoulder glance under the guise of looking down the tracks for the train to come (rather smoothly, I must admit), hence I saw the purse swinging effort - she definitely smelt the damage. Now, I reacted like anyone would...Strike that, no I didn't. I turned my head the other direction and began convulsively laughing under my breath. Usually I can keep a straight face and hold my breath, but this time was different. Maybe I was tired from a day at work, maybe I was excited because this was the first time in a few weeks something hysterical had happened...Who knows, really. I was trying to keep my cool, but couldn't help but laugh at this woman's release of a potent air biscuit. Thank goodness the train was arriving, else I would have really lost it...I scooted onto the train as fast as possible - mind you, not in her car.

At long last...

Good heavens! It's been ages since an update - terribly sorry for all the delays...but here I am, ready to share some of the love. I just haven't had anything interesting happen in the past few weeks ;-)